Personal na buhay. Buhay ng Kapitbahay Kaskwela Katrabaho. Showbiz. Pelikula. Politika. Ekonomiya. Musika. o wala lang, yan ang makikita mo dito. Libreng tumambay. Hindi bawal ang magreact, di bawal ang sumang ayon, di bawal ang kiligin, maiyak, matuwa, matawa, matae. Upo na dito. Shot mo na!
Basa.Isip.Basa
“ Things will go where
they're supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course.
Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it's time for
them to be hurt. Life is like that..
” -Norwegian Wood
Thesis. Productions. Finals. The January pervert. Cried a few times, regretted a lot of things. Lost my phone. Lost myself. Fucked up month. Needed time for myself. Decided to go on Hiatus, to get rid of people I don't need in my life.
Learn how to play the game of trust, know who deserves it, never mind those who don't
Never be afraid of losing people who don’t deserve your time and attention, take the courage to let go and throw them out of your lives
“It’s when problems are shared that solutions are found” – From Chowking’s fortune cookie 01-18-08
“In the end you will always go back to the people that were there in the beginning.” – text quote from Jenny (That’s why I never take my friends for granted... mawala na lahat wag lang pamilya ko at sila.)
“Sometimes it’s not love, sometimes, you’ve just become so attached that you’ve developed a need for that person... Just a need, not love... but you’re too scared to admit it, even to yourself...because you know that if you do, you might lose the only person that actually gives a damn about your life” – text quote from Heyna
Learn to accept and love yourself, walang ibang gagawa niyan kundi ikaw... hindi kailangang nakadepende palagi sa iba ang pagiging masaya.
February:
Hiatus lasted until 11th of February. Started with a blast. Good vibes. Firsts. The longest yet shortest walk . One time big time. Three years ago we were strangers, snap! then we became friends. Finding myself. Brought back the old me. Valentine's darlings for the day with the Singles. A month of finding oneself, month of happiness and dreams turning in to reality.
Don't stop dreaming, never stop hoping, dreams come true... kahit one time big time.
March:
A month of closing chapters and opening new ones. Graduation. Inumans as usual. Few heart to heart talks with friends.
Treasure the friends you have, always be there for them
Learn to accept changes in your life. Let go move on and be happy
April:
Early summer getaway. Bad news. "The world spins constantly, so does the color wheel". Sad month. Month of pain, regrets and wishes. pressure cooker 1 2 3 kaboom! Hello panget kamay!
The world spins constantly, so does the color wheel – ana
“Kahit ikaw ay parang bato manhid at walang pakiramdam, mag-ingat ka dahil kahit ganyan ka, hindi nasasaktan... kaya mo namang makasakit” – Bob Ong
NEVER BUKSAN ANG PRESSURE COOKER HABANG KUMUKULO
May:
Turned 21. Dead Stars. Deleted my old blog, trying to move on I guess. Deleted the entries but still saved a few. Moved to blogspot. Promised to write happier entries.
“You’re gonna have your good days and your bad days”- South of Nowhere
“So all these years-since when? - he had been seeing the light of dead stars , long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens.”-Dead Stars
Know when enough is enough.
June:
I was badly missing college life. A friend died. Had a sudden change of heart. Put half of my walls down. Still confused and hesitant though. Fears. Had my first ever exam and interview. Screwed up. Got reunited with my grade school and high school friends.June was a month of gambling,a month of courage.
Don't try to push people out of your life, no one deserves to be taken for granted
Even if you have new people/friends in your life, never forget those who were part of your past, for you will never complete your life’s puzzle if you lose some of its pieces.
July:
Indie month. Mommy and Daddy had to go to Cebu. Responsibilities. Growing up. Maturity. Hated the rain for reminding me of things/people I was trying to forget. Misunderstandings. Tried to give it another shot. Second chances.
Never assume
Learn how to take responsibilities
Always be mindful of the things you do and the words you say
August:
Driving lessons. Ate was back from Dubai. Eheads reunion concert. Finally decided to get rid of the old dust to let the new ones in.
No two things can occupy the same space at the same time – law of impenetrability
Letting go might be hard yet it is the best way to let another stay
September:
Chill month. Inumans
Find some time to chill, find and reconnect with the things or people you've grown apart from
Drink.Get drunk.Laugh.have fun... then die haha
October:
A month of firsts. Major changes. Leaving comfort zones. Facing fears. Got hired. First work ever. Lots of inumans. Ate was back from Dubai again. Had my very first paycheck ever. Hello poverty. Finally decided to take my chances, cross the street, take the risks, throw myself in to the lions den.
“I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.”---Greys Anatomy
“BOUNDARIES don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. So you can waste your life drawing lines? Or you can live your life crossing them. Because here’s what I know, if you are willing to take the chance the view from the other side is Spectacular.”---Greys Anatomy
November
Reunion. Wanted to quit my job. "Nagsisimula ka palang quitter ka na" - Mommy
Patience is a virtue ahaha!
December
December 5 was my last day of being a copywriter. I sure am gonna miss them. Had a burgis Christmas party. Applied again and got hired. Got my license. Family reunions. Back to Bulacan. And just recently found out I've been lied to thank you very much.
Again Patience is a Virtue
AGAIN learn how to play the game of trust
Learn to hate pride
All in all my 2008 was full of Ups and Downs, Yeheys and boo-hoos. But at least I managed to see the lessons in those downs and boo-hoo moments and even in the ups and yeheys hahaha. This year I’ve gained lots of new friends, and unfortunately lost some. I’ve made decisions, and regretted some. But all is done. I wouldn’t want to waste my short life looking back, feeling bad and regretting things.
and so i quote.....my 18 year old self ahahahahhaha
...always remember to look on the brighter side of life, appreciate every moment, every little thing around us, enjoy each and every moment in life, even the fucked up ones... because in this journey, you can only go forward... there’s no turning back..
Yehey thank you 2008!
I'm ready to let you go.
Good bye!
I'll miss you. I'll miss the old me... young, careless, and stupid.
This was my "Goodbye 2007! Welcome 2008" post. In the next few days I'll be posting my Buhbye 08 hello 09 post.. expect a longer one, a lot of changes happened since day 1 of 2008. Changes, goodbye's, hello's, yipeee's, boohooos, happy times, fucked up times...
You won't fully enjoy a swing unless you raise your feet from the ground. You won't fully enjoy a boat ride unless you remove the rope's knot from the river bank.
Never limit yourself when it comes to happiness, learn how to let go and take risks... Life is much beautiful outside the comfort zone.
Yes darlings I just threw myself in to the lion's den, I've finally left my comfort zone and I'm currently facing two of my greatest fears.
FIRST: October. I accepted a job and I am now on my 3rd week. I write copies for event banners, annual reports etc. I do love writing, I really really really do love writing but the thing is, my writing style is more on the creative thingamajigs and our clients are janjarararannnn (mostly) government whatevs and MAN!!! I AM REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME!
Maybe I have to put extra effort in reading more matured(ay tunog porno)/corporate stuffs to update my vocabs. AND another thing... I have to learn to cross the fucking streets alone and stop asking the guards to help me get to the other side of the street. PLUS I GOTTA LOVE the buses going to Cubao (especially during taghirap days for tipid effect), and of course I GOTTA LOVE the looooong walk from the dark and stinky street outside Farmer's to Gateway. OR para less hassle I can take the shuttle from St. Francis to Masinag, which is by the way worth 45php (ginto ata ang upuan pero ok lang dahil more comfy kumpara sa bus)
Henewei, when my very first paycheck was given to me parang may mga anghel na tumugtog ng harp at trumpets sa paligid.. but then again narealize ko "Shit! No more baon! No more Daddy pengeng pera pang enjoy" aaaaaaah INDIE KID ANA!!!! aaaaah POVERTYYYYYY!
Oh well, ganyan talaga buhay ... I finally moved on from the fact that I am no longer in college (Goodbye Katipunan.. You will always be my 2nd home), that I have to work my butt off for my vices and luho sa buhay.
Sana maka-survive at maging productive naman ako.
Dear Real World,
Hello! Please don't be too harsh on me...or I might get myself OD-ed joke!(na half-meant)
Ana
SECOND: October. Ugh.. how do I say this? Uhm.. I am starting to take risks again(?) Hindi ata appropriate yung again because this is a "first" for me, not actually THE first first.. but technically this is THE first.. labo?
This is my THE first and I am scared as hell, I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of adjustments to make... so please patience my dear. MORE patience
There.. October 08 is a risk-taking-decision-making-leaving-comfort-zone month.. I hope not to regret any of these two decisions in the coming days..weeks..months
WARNING: ISA ITONG NAPAKAHABANG POST... DI KO ALAM KUNG MAY KWENTA TO SA'YO PERO SAKIN MERON...KUNG LABU-LABO MAN ANG PAGKAKASULAT PASENYSA NA.. walang edit edit kasi..kung anung maisip ko type lang..
Hindi ko masasabing solid na tagahanga nila ako, sa totoo lang never pa akong nakapunta sa gig/concert nila nuon. Two years old palang ata ako nung nabuo ang banda nila, kaya hindi ko din masasabing panahon ko nga sila. Pero ang sigurado ako, bata palang ako naririnig ko na sila at nakikita sa TV.Bata palang ako kinakanta ko na ang mga kanta nila. Bata pa lang ako sila na ang background music ko tuwing nalulungkot ako, tuwing masaya ako, tuwing kahit anong mangyari. Pasalamat ako sa Ate ko na kasabay kong nag aabang sa kanila sa TV, sa Ate ko na tuwing naglilinis ng bahay e pinapatugtog yung cassette tape nila. Naalala ko pa t’wing uuwi kami sa probinsya para magbakasyon palaging nakasalang ang mga cassette tapes nila sa stereo ng sasakyan namin. Hindi ko napapansin ang zigzag at nakakahilong daan papuntang Bicol dahil sinasabayan ko yung mga kanta nila. Halinhinan ang mga kanta nila at ng Yano sa pagtanggal ng pagkabagot ko sa mahabang biyahe papuntang Bicol.
Nuon pwede pa kong maligo sa ulan kahit nakashorts lang at walang pang itaas, magtatakbuhan kami ng kuya ko at ng mga kalaro namin sa bakuran naming malawak pa noon, tapos lalangoy sa fishpond ng lolo ko, bubugawin lahat ng manok na panabong ni Daddy na nakakalat din sa noong malawak pa naming bakuran. Kapag umaambon pa lang at nagsimula na kaming maligo, papagalitan kami nila Lolo’t Lola kasi nga naman magkakasakit kami. Isang beses, hindi ako pinayagang maligo sa ulan dahil mahina pa daw yung ulan, eksaktong pinatutugtog sa radio nun yung “Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling ka”. Tandang tanda ko sinabayan ko yung kanta....”Buhos na ulan aking mundo’y lunuring tuluyan..” sabi naming dalawa, hindi ko alam kung pangit lang talaga ang boses ko o nung panahon na ‘yon nakinig sakin yung ulap.. biglang lumakas ang ulan kaya nakaligo kami ng kuya ko sa ulan. Simula non sa t’wing nahihiyang bumuhos ang ulan, kinakanta ko yun. Masaya ko no’n t’wing umuulan dahil nakakpaglaro kami nila kuya, hindi pa ko marunong gumawa ng bangkang papel non kaya nagpapagawa ako sa kanya, minsan kay Lolo tapos ipapaagos naming sa tubig. Malinis pa no’n yung tubig na umaagos sa kalsada wala pang kasamang mga basura.
Isang beses nung umuwi si Ate galing sa dorm niya, kinuwento niyang nagpunta sila nung fair nila at tumugtog. “Nagkagulo lahat, syempre puro babae e diba? May mga tumutuntong sa upuan tapos nagbubukas sarang payong.. tapos may naghahagis ng mga durog na Chippy!” yan ang kwento niya sakin non. Dahil bata pa ako at ni hindi pa pinapayagang pumunta sa Birthday ng kaklase ng walang kasamang matanda..hindi din ako malamang nakakapanood ng mga ganun, ni hindi nga ako pinapayagang bumili sa tindahan ng mag-isa. Kuntento na kong nakikita sila sa TV, sa songhits, sa Chippy at Burger Machine Commercials, kuntento na kong naririnig sila sa radio. Kuntento na ko sa mga kwento ng Ate ko.
Sabi ko pa nuon pag malaki na ko panonoorin ko sila.
Ngayon laos na ang cassette tape, may gumagamit pa nga ba nun sa panahon ngayon? Sa panahon na kahit ang discman ata ay wala na rin sa uso? Nadagdagan na ng 19 pang taon ang edad ko simula nung magbuo sila ng banda. Ilang taon na din kaming hindi bumibisita sa Bicol. Hindi na rin kami dumadaan sa zigzag na daan tuwing uuwi do’n. Ilang beses na din napalitan yung putting Toyota Corolla ni Mama na gamit naming tuwing uuwi ng Bicol. At yung driver namin nuon, halos hindi na nakakakita ngayon. Kagaya noon madalas pa rin silang nasa TV, at radio, ewan ko lang sa songhits dahil simula nung nauso ang internet hindi na ko bumili ng songhits para tingnan ang chords ng mga gusto kong kanta. Pero hindi tulad ng dati, ngayon makikita mo sila pero hindi na magkakasama. Maliban syempre kay Buddy at Raimund na parehong nasa Cambio.
Ngayon kapag naligo ako sa ulan ng nakashorts lang at walang pang itaas siguradong mahihibang ang mga makakakita sakin at iisiping baliw ako at babarilin ako ng tatay ko. Oo flat parin ang lahat sa akin..pero ika nga nila dalaga na ako.
Lumiit na din yung dati naming malawak na bakuran. Nailipat na din yung mga manok na panabong namin sa farm, nadagdagan ng dalawang Kabayo at ilang mga kambing ang alaga naming, hanggang sa namatay, nanakaw, binenta at pinamigay na silang lahat.
Ngayon kahit maligo ako sa ambon (nang kumpleto ang damit syempre), sa medyo malakas na ambon, o sa ulan na may kasamang kidlat wala nang magsesermon sakin. Grade 3 ako nung namatay si Lola, Christmas break naman nung 2nd or 3rd year college ako nung namatay si Lolo.
Marunong na rin akong gumawa ng bangkang papel ngayon, pati eroplano alam ko nang gawin, pati pag balot ng marijuana alam ko na kung pano (joke lang yan ang maniwala utu-uto). Ngayon kung papaanurin mo ang bangkang papel mo sa baha.. hindi na uusad dahil madaming basurang tangay tangay yung baha. Hibang ka din siguro kung maglaro ka pa sa baha sa panahon ngayon, dahil hindi mo alam kung anung kasama ng bahang umaagos sa kanal, kalsada o kung san pa man yung umaagos. Limot ko na din ang mukha nung mga kalaro namin ni Kuya nuon. Pero naririnig ko minsan na kinukwento ng Nanay ko na may anak na at pamilyado na ang halos lahat sa kanila.
Over na din si Ate sa pagiging groupie stage niya. Matagal na siyang hindi nag-aalak, nag yoyosi, at kung anu pang maisip niyong bisyo. Kung dati hindi ako pinapayagang pumunta sa kung saan ng walang kasama, ngayon ako na ang sumasama sa bunso kong kapatid sa kung san man siya pupunta. Ilang beses na kong umalis at hindi umuwi. Ilang gigs na rin ang napanuod ko. Sa mga gigs na yun, nakita at narinig ko silang apat... kumakanta, tumutugtog sa magkakahiwalay na banda. Ngayon hindi na din ata uso ang lumilipad na durog na chippy, nung huling nanood ako ng gig... mga bote ng mineral water ang lumilipad.
Nagpalit palit na din ng endorser ang Chippy. Naging Parokya ni Edgar, at yung “Kami po ang tear here!” At ang NAPAKASIKAT na Halika Tikman ang Langit Burger Machine nuon, ay Burger Machine naLANG ngayon...
Ngayon, malaki na nga ako...literal man o hindi ang usapan.
Nag reunion concert sila, sa kasamaang palad hindi ako nakapanood dahil nung araw at oras ding yun hinatid naming si Ate O. sa airport dahil pabalik na siya ng Dubai. Nung padaan na kami sa The Fort, nakatanggap ako ng mensaheng pinutol ang concert dahil nga kinailangang dalhin si Ely sa ospital. Sayang. Malaki na nga ako, pero di ko parin sila napanuod...pero sige ok lang ay hindi pala ok..pero wala naman akong magagawa e
Habang hinihintay kong lumaki ako at payagan nang pumunta at manood ng mga banda ang daming nagbago sakin, sa iba sa halos lahat ng bagay sa paligid. Nagbago ako ng mga pangarap, paniniwala at tingin sa mga bagay bagay.
Natuto na ko at nalimutan ko na din kung pano mag gitara. Hindi kagaya dati na umiiyak ako at ayaw kong pumasok sa school dahil boring ang pag aaralan (parts ng fish), ngayon tapos na din akong magsunog ng kilay. At madaming madami pang nangyare at nagbago.
Ngayon kapag nagbbyahe kami ng malayo o kahit malapit pa hindi na Casette tape ang baon naming kundi CD (Eraserheads Anthology 1 and 2). Nung naggraduate ako nung college paulit ulit kong kinakanta yung “Sa Wakas”. Madami akong naaalala tuwing naririnig ko mga kanta nila, minsan malungkot, minsan masaya, minsan chill... Siguro nga kung gagawa ako ng soundtrack ng buhay ko marami raming kanta nila ang mapapasama.
Tuwing maririnig kong sasabihin ng mga tao na “Sayang sila..” “Kung hindi sana sila nadisband...” Anu nga bang nakakapanghinayang? Hindi naman sila nawala talaga, hindi naman nalalaos at naluluma yung mga kanta nila. Ilang beses mang pakinggan hindi nagagasgas. Paulit ulit mang kantahin hindi napagsasawaan. Magbago man ang lahat ng bagay, taas baba man ang presyo ng gasoline..pag dating sa kanila wala namang nag/magbabago...
Nagmahal man dating halagang 600 pisong chucks na ngayon higit 2,000 piso na. Madami mang nagsulputang bagong genres. Madami mang nauso, at nalaos. Madaming banda man ang umangat na sa mainstream at lumubog. Maaaring may kanya kanya na nga silang tinutugtugang banda ngayon, marahil hindi na talaga sila magsasama sama bilang isa... bilang banda na kinabaliwan at kinababaliwan parin ng marami hanggang ngayon, hindi mapagkakaila na nag iwan sila ng malaki malalim at permanenteng marka sa Pinoy Music Industry.
Sa paniniwala ko hanggang hindi namamatay ang Industriya ng Musikang Pilipino...
Sila ay mananatiling sila...
nandyan, nandito lang
P.S
Hangga’t hindi namamatay ang Industriya ng Musikang Pilipino...
(Wag naman natin hayaang mangyari to, let’s support local bands...wag magpaakit sa murang OPM pirated CDs please)
Apathy Dictionary n. 1. Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference. 2. Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness. Thesaurus Lack of emotion or interest: disinterest, impassivity, incuriosity, incuriousness, indifference, insensibility, insensibleness, lassitude, lethargy, listlessness, phlegm, stolidity, stolidness, unconcern, uninterest, unresponsiveness. Quotes about apathy "I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate -- it's apathy. It's not giving a damn." - Leo Buscaglia "Most human beings have an infinite capacity for taking things for granted." -Aldous Huxley “The opposite of love is apathy, and hate is really the same as love. If you're so consumed by hatred for someone, you might as well be loving them, because you're thinking about them for the same amount of time.”
