Anna Banana
musika . letrato . pelikula . pagbabasa . kaibigan . pamilya . pag ibig . babae . lalake . ka-bitteran . pagsusulat . pangangarap . pagtanga . pagtawa . pagpapatawa . pagdaldal . pakikinig . pag muni muni . pagtambay . minsan minsang pagdadrama . madalas na pag alak d'yan umiikot ang buhay ko
Year end entry
got wasted on Dec 30, 2008; 11:02 PM
January:
Thesis. Productions. Finals. The January pervert. Cried a few times, regretted a lot of things. Lost my phone. Lost myself. Fucked up month. Needed time for myself. Decided to go on Hiatus, to get rid of people I don't need in my life.
- Learn how to play the game of trust, know who deserves it, never mind those who don't
- Never be afraid of losing people who don’t deserve your time and attention, take the courage to let go and throw them out of your lives
- “It’s when problems are shared that solutions are found” – From Chowking’s fortune cookie 01-18-08
- “In the end you will always go back to the people that were there in the beginning.” – text quote from Jenny (That’s why I never take my friends for granted... mawala na lahat wag lang pamilya ko at sila.)
- “Sometimes it’s not love, sometimes, you’ve just become so attached that you’ve developed a need for that person... Just a need, not love... but you’re too scared to admit it, even to yourself...because you know that if you do, you might lose the only person that actually gives a damn about your life” – text quote from Heyna
- Learn to accept and love yourself, walang ibang gagawa niyan kundi ikaw... hindi kailangang nakadepende palagi sa iba ang pagiging masaya.
February:
Hiatus lasted until 11th of February. Started with a blast. Good vibes. Firsts. The longest yet shortest walk . One time big time. Three years ago we were strangers, snap! then we became friends. Finding myself. Brought back the old me. Valentine's darlings for the day with the Singles. A month of finding oneself, month of happiness and dreams turning in to reality.
- Don't stop dreaming, never stop hoping, dreams come true... kahit one time big time.
March:
A month of closing chapters and opening new ones. Graduation. Inumans as usual. Few heart to heart talks with friends.
- Treasure the friends you have, always be there for them
- Learn to accept changes in your life. Let go move on and be happy
April:
Early summer getaway. Bad news. "The world spins constantly, so does the color wheel". Sad month. Month of pain, regrets and wishes. pressure cooker 1 2 3 kaboom! Hello panget kamay!
- The world spins constantly, so does the color wheel – ana
- “Kahit ikaw ay parang bato manhid at walang pakiramdam, mag-ingat ka dahil kahit ganyan ka, hindi nasasaktan... kaya mo namang makasakit” – Bob Ong
- NEVER BUKSAN ANG PRESSURE COOKER HABANG KUMUKULO
May:
Turned 21. Dead Stars. Deleted my old blog, trying to move on I guess. Deleted the entries but still saved a few. Moved to blogspot. Promised to write happier entries.
- “You’re gonna have your good days and your bad days”- South of Nowhere
- “So all these years-since when? - he had been seeing the light of dead stars , long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens.”-Dead Stars
- Know when enough is enough.
June:
I was badly missing college life. A friend died. Had a sudden change of heart. Put half of my walls down. Still confused and hesitant though. Fears. Had my first ever exam and interview. Screwed up. Got reunited with my grade school and high school friends.June was a month of gambling,a month of courage.
- Don't try to push people out of your life, no one deserves to be taken for granted
- Even if you have new people/friends in your life, never forget those who were part of your past, for you will never complete your life’s puzzle if you lose some of its pieces.
July:
Indie month. Mommy and Daddy had to go to Cebu. Responsibilities. Growing up. Maturity. Hated the rain for reminding me of things/people I was trying to forget. Misunderstandings. Tried to give it another shot. Second chances.
- Never assume
- Learn how to take responsibilities
- Always be mindful of the things you do and the words you say
August:
Driving lessons. Ate was back from Dubai. Eheads reunion concert. Finally decided to get rid of the old dust to let the new ones in.
- No two things can occupy the same space at the same time – law of impenetrability
- Letting go might be hard yet it is the best way to let another stay
September:
Chill month. Inumans
- Find some time to chill, find and reconnect with the things or people you've grown apart from
- Drink.Get drunk.Laugh.have fun... then die haha
October:
A month of firsts. Major changes. Leaving comfort zones. Facing fears. Got hired. First work ever. Lots of inumans. Ate was back from Dubai again. Had my very first paycheck ever. Hello poverty. Finally decided to take my chances, cross the street, take the risks, throw myself in to the lions den.
- “I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.”---Greys Anatomy
- “BOUNDARIES don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. So you can waste your life drawing lines? Or you can live your life crossing them. Because here’s what I know, if you are willing to take the chance the view from the other side is Spectacular.”---Greys Anatomy
November
Reunion. Wanted to quit my job. "Nagsisimula ka palang quitter ka na" - Mommy
- Patience is a virtue ahaha!
December
December 5 was my last day of being a copywriter. I sure am gonna miss them. Had a burgis Christmas party. Applied again and got hired. Got my license. Family reunions. Back to Bulacan. And just recently found out I've been lied to thank you very much.
- Again Patience is a Virtue
- AGAIN learn how to play the game of trust
- Learn to hate pride
All in all my 2008 was full of Ups and Downs, Yeheys and boo-hoos. But at least I managed to see the lessons in those downs and boo-hoo moments and even in the ups and yeheys hahaha.
This year I’ve gained lots of new friends, and unfortunately lost some.
I’ve made decisions, and regretted some.
But all is done.
I wouldn’t want to waste my short life looking back, feeling bad and regretting things.
and so i quote.....my 18 year old self ahahahahhaha
...always remember to look on the brighter side of life, appreciate every moment, every little thing around us, enjoy each and every moment in life, even the fucked up ones... because in this journey, you can only go forward... there’s no turning back..
Yehey thank you 2008!
I'm ready to let you go.
Good bye!
I'll miss you. I'll miss the old me... young, careless, and stupid.
Hello 2009! I'm ready.. C'mon let's get it on!
Labels: 2008, ako, alcohol, babae, bliss, career, driving, eraserheads, family, friendship, hate, life, love, nostalgia, past, present, quote, regrets, tala, welcome
In to the lion's den :)
got wasted on Oct 24, 2008; 10:01 PM
A quote from a friend says:
You won't fully enjoy a swing unless you raise your feet from the ground.
You won't fully enjoy a boat ride unless you remove the rope's knot from the river bank.
Never limit yourself when it comes to happiness, learn how to let go and take risks... Life is much beautiful outside the comfort zone.Yes darlings I just threw myself in to the lion's den, I've finally left my comfort zone and I'm currently facing two of my greatest fears.
FIRST:
October. I accepted a job and I am now on my 3rd week. I write copies for event banners, annual reports etc. I do love writing, I really really really do love writing but the thing is, my writing style is more on the creative thingamajigs and our clients are janjarararannnn (mostly) government whatevs and MAN!!! I AM REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME!
Maybe I have to put extra effort in reading more matured(ay tunog porno)/corporate stuffs to update my vocabs. AND another thing... I have to learn to cross the fucking streets alone and stop asking the guards to help me get to the other side of the street. PLUS I GOTTA LOVE the buses going to Cubao (especially during taghirap days for tipid effect), and of course I GOTTA LOVE the looooong walk from the dark and stinky street outside Farmer's to Gateway. OR para less hassle I can take the shuttle from St. Francis to Masinag, which is by the way worth 45php (ginto ata ang upuan pero ok lang dahil more comfy kumpara sa bus)
Henewei, when my very first paycheck was given to me parang may mga anghel na tumugtog ng harp at trumpets sa paligid.. but then again narealize ko "Shit! No more baon! No more Daddy pengeng pera pang enjoy" aaaaaaah INDIE KID ANA!!!! aaaaah POVERTYYYYYY!
Oh well, ganyan talaga buhay ... I finally moved on from the fact that I am no longer in college (Goodbye Katipunan.. You will always be my 2nd home), that I have to work my butt off for my vices and luho sa buhay.
Sana maka-survive at maging productive naman ako.
Dear Real World,
Hello! Please don't be too harsh on me...or I might get myself OD-ed joke!(na half-meant)
Ana
SECOND:
October. Ugh.. how do I say this? Uhm.. I am starting to take risks again(?) Hindi ata appropriate yung again because this is a "first" for me, not actually THE first first.. but technically this is THE first.. labo?
This is my THE first and I am scared as hell, I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of adjustments to make... so please patience my dear. MORE patience
There.. October 08 is a risk-taking-decision-making-leaving-comfort-zone month.. I hope not to regret any of these two decisions in the coming days..weeks..months
*fingers crossed*
Labels: ako, bliss, career, life, love, quote
JIM MORRISON QUOTES
got wasted on Jul 6, 2008; 6:53 PM
“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.”
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
“I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps "Oh look at that!" Then- whoosh, and I'm gone...and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me- ever.”
“That's what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act-”
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you.”
“People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend...”
“Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws.”
“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.”
“I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go. I don't want to die in my sleep, or of old age, or OD...I want to feel what it's like. I want to taste it, hear it, smell it. Death is only going to happen to you once; I don't want to miss it.”
“I think the highest and lowest points are the important ones. Anything else is just...in between. I want the freedom to try everything.”
We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.”
“Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.”
“There are things known, and there are things unknown, And in between are the Doors”
“Let's just say I was testing the bounds of reality. I was curious to see what would happen. That's all it was: curiosity.”
"Listen, real poetry doesn't say anything; it just ticks off the possibilities. Opens all doors. You can walk through anyone that suits you.”
“How can I set free anyone who doesn't have the guts to stand up alone and declare his own freedom? I think it's a lie – people claim they want to be free – everybody insists that freedom is what they want the most, the most sacred and precious thing a man can possess. But that's bullshit! People are terrified to be set free – they hold on to their chains. They fight anyone who tries to break those chains. It's their security…How can they expect me or anyone else to set them free if they don't really want to be free?”
- JIM MORRISON
Labels: quote, wala lang
stop being who you were, an become who you are..
got wasted on Jun 3, 2008; 11:09 AM
"..it's important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.. "
- The Zahir (Paolo Coelho)
What if who you were is better than who you are now? Should you still continue to be who you are and forget/stop being who you were?
I had this "not-so-good" conversation with an old friend, I chose not to reply to her last message because I didn't liked the way she reacted and her message was a bit rude and nakakabastos. It wasn't like her. I was so bothered so I told my mom and my sister about it. My ate's comment was "Ano ba yang mga nagiging kaibigan mo? Di ba may kinuwento ka na din dati na friend mo na nagtetext at tumatawag lang pag may kailangan?" The "friend" she was talking about? We weren't really that close, and to be honest uhm we're not even friends we were just uhm what? classmates? But this "old friend" is different, and she wasn't like that when I met her that's why I feel really sad and a bit disappointed. I wanted to tell her "Money isn't the only important thing in this world dear...and please stop blaming other people if things aren't going the way you wanted it to be".
I guess that proves it, change? it's inevitable.. relationships, environment, beliefs, these things change, people.. even friends. It's not too surprising to see enemies suddenly becoming bff's, but for us I guess it's the other way around...but uhm I hope not. I don't want to be in a "let's just pretend we never became friends" situation with her, she's still my friend after all...(but she surely is far different from the friend I met so-so years ago)
Anyway, after that "not-so-good" conversation I had with her I started wondering how much I've changed since we last met, and if these changes made me a better person or not. . .
Uhm, I don't know...I think.. I'm hating this..bow
Labels: friendship, quote, sulat
